I felt very judged - and started judging myself - when a client-turned-friend and mentor recently said with surprise, "I always took you to be a glass-half-full kind of person." I was sharing with him certain pandemic-related concerns.
This senior friend who is retired from a successful career has been dealing with illness in his family for several years but has always exuded extreme optimism: they will get well, the pandemic will soon be forgotten history, etc. So when he felt I was being pessimistic, I rushed to my own defense and launched into an explanation of how I still really am a half-full person.
Reflecting on the incident now, however, I wonder why I was so afraid to appear like a glass-half-empty sort of person. When the entire world is oscillating between unsettled emotions and experiencing ambivalent or mixed feelings thanks to the pandemic, why was I still subscribing to this very rigid and clearly dichotomous necessity of being either an optimist or a pessimist? Why can’t I be both?
I have now come to realize that I can; and am eager to share with my clients this understanding that the proverbial glass also, is both half empty and half full. Accepting the glass in its entirety is the key to aligning our personal growth with collective harmony.
Feelings and emotions are always nuanced and it is natural to feel multiple, seemingly contradictory, emotions at the same time. For instance, we can feel positive about our personal growth while being collectively appalled by - and refusing to accept - the systemic discrimination and injustices against so many of our fellow citizens (and non-citizens). Similarly, feeling optimistic about the future does not mean that we cannot, at the same time, despair about the present.
We took optimism for granted in pre-pandemic times because we did not anticipate the level of chaos we are dealing with currently. Comparing ourselves to our pre-pandemic, forward-looking selves and expecting to remain perennially positive will only make us feel lacking now, like somehow, we are falling short. Such self comparison is toxic.
Committing to seeing the glass as either half full or half empty prevents us from appreciating how nuanced our experiences are; being compelled to take one position or the other does not encompass the multiple challenges and opportunities we face every day. This is especially true in the current times.
As a coach, therefore, I can help you check in with yourself so that you are able to situate your feelings: that is the only way to cope with the current climate of uncertainty when we are all vacillating between optimism and dread, often without even noticing. It is my belief that to understand your own emotions and feelings by placing them on a larger social canvas is to align your commitment to your personal growth with caring for the welfare of all people.