I had an embarrassing moment recently at a restaurant when I struggled to check out using a contactless QR code. This is exactly the sort of recent retail transformation I am leading as a CEO and consultant, but here I was, unable to use my phone to scan the QR code. As I sat there fiddling with my phone settings, the server swooped in and offered a paper receipt. Ouch!
Surrounded by my family and unwilling to be seen as an older, digitally illiterate tech fraud, I blurted out defensively: “This is a new phone. I’m just getting used to it.” My son looked at me and said with some worry: “Really, Dad? New phone?” Truth is, I’d had the phone for about a year; I just hadn’t taken the time to figure out how it functioned. I lied to the server for no reason other than to protect my ego and avoid being seen a certain way.
This incident forced me to reflect on how every one of us has had such moments of vulnerability, perhaps during meetings with colleagues or while making presentations to clients. Who among us has not been through a moment when we felt embarrassed because we did not want to be seen in a particular light? Part of my coaching process is helping clients notice how they want to be seen so that they can push their perspective to new places and understand why they want to be seen a certain way.
Noticing helps make new meaning of existing ideas, norms, and role models that determine how we want to be seen. Sometimes this self-awareness is, in itself, a new perspective. At other times, it might call for an adjustment of existing perspectives. Just being able to notice gives us the power to consider what is driving us: it enables us to occupy the driver’s seat.
For example, if we notice that certain ideas we have held on to do not serve us any longer, we now have the power to let go of them and embrace new ones. On the other hand, if we find that our existing values are still helping us grow, we can continue holding on to them while allowing them to steer us in the direction we want to take.
In this, we are like trees that add rings as they grow. The old rings remain a part of us. When we start to notice, we can start adding newer rings. We can reexamine our roots and see what we couldn't see before. In this way, we develop the capacity to grow taller and catch more light as we grow.
In my case, I could trace my embarrassment over the QR code back to a belief that used to drive my career: to be seen as a technologist. I have developed additional rings since then, but on reflection, that ring - like all rings - will always be a part of me and continue to drive me. But it is no longer at the edge of my growth since I've developed new perspectives.